Chronic Homesickness

Hey hey sparkling humans! I’ve been back in the ol’ US of A for about 3 weeks now and it’s been a wild ride packed with highs, lows, thrills, and scares. I’ve been meaning to write this post for about a week now, but just didn’t make the time to sit down and get it done. So here I am, at Penn State clicking away in a corner of Starbucks with the rhythm of the rain to keep me company.

Being back, though my heart is swirling with a million emotions, can best be summed up in 2 words: good and hard.

Being back is SO GOOD. I met my darling niece Elsie Mae after 8 months of waiting. I’ve received countless warm hug from my amazing friends and family! I’ve had conversation in REAL TIME without delays or connection problems. I now have a plethora of brewery and coffee shop options to choose from. When I open my mouth to talk, no one comments on the fact that I’m American. I get unlimited tap water when I go to a restaurant and have deeply enjoyed all the delicious foods I missed. It’s been a few weeks full of blessings and love.

And at the same time…

Being back is SO HARD. I’m floating from house to house constantly living out of a suitcase. I miss my host family, friends, boyfriend, and learners like crazy! I am sinking in a list of to-dos that I seriously lack motivation to accomplish. I constantly feel like there are not enough hours in a day to see everyone I want to see and do everything that needs to get done. I’m overwhelmed by the pace of life, my old habits of comparison, and the current political climate. My stomach and skin are all sorts of confused and inflamed with all the changes. To top it all off, I’ve been hit with 2 colds already. It’s been a few weeks full of stress and tears.

So I’m caught in the tension of it all. It’s so good AND it’s so hard. I’m home AND I’m missing home. And that’s when I diagnosed myself with what I like to call chronic homesickness. No matter where I am, a part of me will be missing someone, something, or somewhere else. And I have a feeling a lot of you reading can relate. It happens when you move, when someone you love moves, or even when you just transition to a new job, school, church, or season of life. And while chronic homesickness has a pretty negative ring to it, the treatment is pretty sweet because it’s the good news found in Jesus!

Jesus himself didn’t have a place to call home on this earth (Luke 9:58). He get’s it. In fact, he always understands us in a way no one else really can (Hebrew 4:15). Not only does our God relate to our chronic homesickness, but he even assures us through scripture that it is a part of picking up our cross when we follow Him (Matthew 16: 24-25). While I may be homesick for another place in this world, that feeling is just a reflection of how us Christians live longing for our heavenly home. We are aliens in this world (1 Peter 2:11). We are called to be in the world and not of it (John 17: 16-18). We are strangers in this land longing for our heavenly country (Hebrews 11: 8-16).

Again, that sounds a little bleak. Does this mean that Christians are just misfits no matter where they go? In a way, yes. Except we are misfits that ALWAYS fit in the family of God. The good news is that while this earth is not our home, we have confidence in a home that transcends physicality and satisfies us exponentiation better than human relationship or worldly success ever could.

So that means that I get to praise Him for all the “so goods” of being back, and I also get to be reminded of my only true home with Him when those homesickness pangs hit hard. 2 Corinthians 5: 1-9 says:

“For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it.”

I love thinking about this world, and even our own bodies, as an “earthly tent." This life and this world are so temporary. We must not forget that in the highs or the lows.

May our homesickness lead us to a confident assurance in our home that is to come. In faith, we get to be agents of love and restoration no matter where we are in this transitory tented world because that is what pleases our Father in heaven.

So I’m praying we can all look up and be reminded of our true home with Jesus and find rest in Him even when this tent isn’t feeling so comfortable. It’s like C.S. Lewis said, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” And you were. You were made to be with Jesus and so was I.

Your continued prayers are appreciated, and please let me know how I can be praying for you!

Oh, and if I haven’t seen you yet since being back, LET’S GET TOGETHER! I miss you.

-Finally home, homesick, and hopeful Caiti